Just for fun

A very funny lady was recently updating her status on FB with Jack Handey's Deep Thoughts. (You remember those skits from SNL - way back when everyone knew it as "Saturday Night Live"?) I had to start googling them, and thought I would add a few of my favorites, for a laugh every time.

• “If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting”
• “The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?”
• “I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.”
• “If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”
• “Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.”
• “I think there should be something in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect."”
• “I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!”
• “Here's a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn't see it and go, "Okay, is everybody ready to start now?".”
• “To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks."
• “If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.”

OK, that's enough. Funny.