Funnies from Nico

He's at such a cute age where he is saying some very funny little things. Here are a few from the past week or so. My favorites that I wrote down.

"Hannah - look at me! I have a big wart on my forehead!"

At the beach last weekend, it had rained and there were so many bugs. I am talking tropical bugs. Crickets the size of your ear (how do I know? - one landed on Andrés's shoulder and one on my father-in-law's shoulder, then proceeded to walk down into his shirt), moths the size of your face (how do I know? - one landed on my face). Nico looked at me after these incidents and said, "Mom. I. don't. like. BUGS." He's not kidding, either. He saw a bug later that weekend and screamed so loud everyone thought something had happened to him.

After learning what LOL means: "Mommy, right that Tin LOL's a lot?"
*LOL = popular Internet term, "Laugh out loud" (instead of the now dated haha or J/K, both of which I still use, haha).

Grandma Bauer sent some stickers in the mail (back in January - they just got here last week), so Nico decided to write her a thank-you card. He did it in English and refused help. After he writes in English, he always "tests" me by having me reread it back to him. I don't get any help. At all. If I ask what something means, I am told to "read it."

I won't write the whole thing out, but at one point it says, "San Gama, San Nico (with some scribbles). I didn't know, so I read it as it was. "San Grandma, San Nico".
"NOOOOOOO!" I hear Nico scream (at the top of his lungs, a temper tantrum coming on). "It says SIGN not SAN!!!!!!! It's because I'm not a PROFESSIONAL AMERICAN!!!!!"
Then the tears (crocodile tears) came on.

I couldn't stop laughing at my amateur American, who is trying so hard to write in English but finding out it is not at all like writing in Spanish (which is quite easy - it's phonetic after all).

I will translate this one, because it originally came to us in Spanish (the kids are really into telling jokes right now):
Nico: What does Flash wear when he gets home?"
Nico: Should I tell you?
Nico: The most Flash (don't worry - it doesn't make sense in Spanish, either)
No one laughs. He is clearly offended that his joke didn't produce any laughter.
Nico: It was a riddle, not a joke. That's why.

Just for fun

A very funny lady was recently updating her status on FB with Jack Handey's Deep Thoughts. (You remember those skits from SNL - way back when everyone knew it as "Saturday Night Live"?) I had to start googling them, and thought I would add a few of my favorites, for a laugh every time.

• “If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting”
• “The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?”
• “I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.”
• “If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”
• “Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.”
• “I think there should be something in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect."”
• “I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?" or "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!”
• “Here's a good trick: Get a job as a judge at the Olympics. Then, if some guy sets a world record, pretend that you didn't see it and go, "Okay, is everybody ready to start now?".”
• “To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks."
• “If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.”

OK, that's enough. Funny.