Happy Mother's Day (The Real One!)

ETA: (I finally got the picture to work!) The boys were really tired today at the end of the day. We spent the evening relaxing a bit in front of the TV, watching Lluvia de Hamburguesas, (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs).

I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately. I feel like I am in a constant state of panic. One thing is my job - it's got me in a state of perpetual worry, and I haven't adjusted real well to the whole schedule we've been on for, oh, the last 7 months! I feel completely stressed out all the time, and the only solution I can come up with is that maybe I need to spend more time with the kids. I know financially that it isn't really an option, but at the same time, I don't know how to continue on at this pace. The traveling I do throws me off my schedule and it takes days to try to get back on my "game". I don't like not knowing what my schedule is from day to day, and I hate not being the person in charge of it. I stress out completely if a workshop or presentation comes up last minute, and often I just feel so overwhelmed by it all I could just cry nonstop!

Mornings are too crazy, no matter how much I try to get everything prepared the night before. Someone is always pooping, puking, or spilling something just as we are walking out the door, so getting up earlier never seems to help. And to make matters worse, it takes over an hour to get Nicolas to eat something. It is a constant battle and most days I can't even get myself ready, so I walk out of the door with my hair wet and some barrettes to clip it up as it dries.

Already I am stressing because tomorrow I've got to drop the kids off at school (can't do it earlier than 7:30), and then have to try to get to the office to pick up someone who will be taking me to a presentation (she can't use her car tomorrow because of pico y placa). She, of course, wants to leave the office like 7:45 to be there on time, but I probably won't make it there until 8. (Bad bad traffic at that time, even WITH pico y placa). She wasn't happy when I told her, but seriously what am I expected to do? I can't leave the kids earlier than 7:30 (they start at 8 and the school doesn't open until 7:30), plus I don't think it is fair to make them be at school that early. Now of course I am stressing that we will never make it on time. I guess I just have to let go and say who cares?

Then there is the whole worry I have about the kids' school. There are days that Agustin does homework for 2-3 hours, and it also means 2-3 hours of attention for mom and dad. We have to sit with him and help him and keep him on track. On top of all of this added homework (the teacher is obviously trying to cram in everything she couldn't finish before the end of the school year), Agustin also has been doing all these special projects. It might be OK for a teenager, but for a 6-year-old it just means extra work for mom and dad as well, and the stress is really getting to me. This Tuesday Agustin and I will be presenting something on the telegraph, but we haven't really had time to prepare anything since just taking care of his regular homework is so time-consuming. On top of it, I don't see them much during the week, and this last week I barely saw them at all, and then yesterday the program took all day, and today with it being Mother's Day and having everyone over to celebrate, we simply haven't had the time or energy to work on it. Now I am stressed out that we have to do it tomorrow, between 6 and 8 pm, and also try to cram some dinner in during that time. I hate this feeling, this feeling of never being able to stop and reflect and take things slowly.

I feel like I am drowning. I feel like a little kid who is trapped. I don't feel like an adult some times. Now we also have pico y placa to keep things confusing and complicated, and I just want NO complications for a while. I really hate pico y placa.

I don't know how much more I can take, quite honestly.

I know this was a bummer of a post for a day when other moms are being treated to breakfast in bed and all, but today was stressful and not relaxing and I don't feel prepared for the beginning of another week. And the thought that I will be working the next two Saturdays also has me stressed and on edge.

On a happier note, I got to see and talk to my mom and sister on Skype tonight. That really brightened up my day, so thanks to them! Love you!

I will have to get a picture up later - for some reason I can't get iPhoto to load my pictures on Blogger tonight.

Good night.